Recently, a young adult patient concluded that "it's not external." She had this awareness after we had been trying to understand the reason for conflicts in her life. It had become clearer to her that when she was upset with others, it was really something about herself that was bothering her. At first, this idea seemed weird and not true. However, over time it became clearer to her that when she was "taking things personally" when interacting with others, it was really about her. She then concluded that "it's not external."
So, maybe when it feels "personal" when people do things that upset us, the personal may really be because it reminds us of something about ourselves that is bothering us. So, I guess it really is personal. Being aware of the real meaning of "personal" when we "take things personally" can allow us to see our own feelings of vulnerability or uncertainty. This in turn can allow us to realize that we have choices about how we view ourselves and how we react to others.
So, I guess we should thank others when they upset us. I wonder. At least we might consider being grateful that others upset us.