My family and I just experienced the loss of our dog, Lexi. About 11 years ago we agreed to bring her into our lives as she was a puppy who was chewing up our oldest daughter's furniture after she had rescued Lexi from the shelter. Lexi became a very important part of our family, especially for my wife and for me. Lexi shared our lives in so many ways and this was never so apparent than when she was no longer with us. Lexi developed difficulty swallowing and died a week later with an untreatable cancer.
My wife and I shared many tears for the first several days and then we had moments every day where the tears returned. We also shared memories of Lexi with each other and with friends. We were open with our friends about our sadness and grief. After several days, we tried to limit the amount of time we let ourselves experience intense feelings of grief, to 15-20 minutes a day [and we decide when that time is each day]. I have found that this technique is helpful in limiting the amount of time we feel at the mercy of our emotions as we give ourselves control by deciding when and how long we will be actively experiencing these emotions.
Letting ourselves experience intense emotions and having control over when we experience them helps us to learn that intense feelings are ok and actually enrich our lives. It is important for us to educate our brains that intensity is safe when it comes to emotions and other experiences in our lives. Since most of us have experienced events that were traumatic and overwelming, it is helpful to realize that there are safe types of intensity that are not overwelming and that are important for us to experience and value in our lives.