HAPPINESS VS UNHAPPINESS

I recently read an opinion editorial from the July 20,2014 New York Times by Arthur Brooks who is President of the American Enterprise Institute.   Mr. Brooks wrote about ways to achieve happiness and what can get in the way of this.  He rules out wealth, fame, power as ways to happiness and even indicates that you can be happy and unhappy at the same time with a feeling of unhappiness meaning that you are more unhappy than happy.  He then reviews different reasons that people say cause them to feel unhappy.  These include: poverty, racism, lonliness,oppression and even talking with your boss!

Mr. Brooks then shifts to things that are more likely to lead to happiness and he rules "extrinsic" [outside of one's self] goals and rules in "intrinsic" [inside of one's self] goals.  Mr. Brooks links some people's obsession with Facebook and other social media as a way of seeking fame[extrinsic goal] and that this type of recognition through Facebook is achieved by revealing only part of one's life and this can lead to feeling bad about the rest of your life.  Mr. Brooks then refers to the existence of "many studies" confirming that people who rate wealth and other extrinsic things as important to them, are much more likely to be anxious, depressed, use drugs and have physical ailments compared people who rate their relationships with family and friends, and having a purpose in life as important to them.  Mr. Brooks then refers to warnings against the love of money in the Bible and in other religions and he quotes [?] from the Dali Lama "it is better to want what you have than to have what you want."  Mr. Brooks then moves on to debunk the connection between frequent sexual activity with multiple partners and happiness.  Mr. Brooks refers to evolutionary pressures to have sex [really propagate] with as many women as possible for the survival of our species [us].   Well, this also has been shown to not bring happiness with studies concluding that the ideal number of sexual partners is one.  He then talks about a number of religions that warn about the problem of craving things [I guess this includes sexual partners] vs seeking relationships with people and valuing what you have as you share with others.  Mr. Brooks concludes by saying that he sees our lives as a struggle to maintain control over our destructive impulses to seek things [fame, power, wealth, control over others].  He concludes with the recommendation to "love people, use things [vs "love things, use people"].

So, it does seem clear that seeking things leads to unhappiness and that seeking relationships with people, caring for ourselves and others, leads to happiness.  Even so, many people still believe that if they were to win the lottery they would be happier because they would be wealthy.  Studies have found that a high percentage of people who win a lottery become depressed and feel isolated from people.  

I have repeatedly seen in others, and witnessed in myself, that choosing to act in a loving way toward ourselves and others will bring happiness and joy beyond anything that we have previously experienced....guaranteed!

LET IT GO, LET IT GO!

I was listening to a young woman talk about a recent argument with her boyfriend that she could not stop thinking about.   I recalled a story that I had read about two monks walking down a muddy road when they saw a woman dressed very nicely on the side of the road.  Her clothes would be muddy if she walked across the road.  One of the monks walked over and carried her across to the other side. The two monks resumed walking and then 5 hours later the other monk asked why he had carried the woman across the road.  The monk answered "I carried her for 30 seconds, you have been carrying her for 5 hours."  The young woman I was listening to had been carrying her feelings and worries about her boyfriend for 7 days and counting.  I then started thinking about a popular song and at first thought of the "Happy" song that she thought was irritating since it is played so much on the radio.  Then I remembered the song I was thinking about was from the movie "Frozen."  She told me that she loved that song and I asked her if she knew what the title was.  She couldn't remember and then suddenly yelled out "Let it go!"  I smiled and kept looking at her.  She then smiled back and said "I guess I should let it go."

So, what is this letting go thing?  Maybe some of the lyrics from the song will help clarify the meaning of let it go.  In the song, she sings about no longer hiding who she really is and then sings:"Let it go. Can't hold it back anymore...Turn away and slam the door. I don't care what they're going to say....It's time to see what I can do, to test the limits and break through. No right, no wrong, no rules for me.  I'm free....Here I"ll stand and here I"ll stay....My soul is spiraling....I'm never going back; the past is in the past! Let it go, let it go.  And I'll rise like the break of dawn....Here I stand in the light of day."  She also repeatedly sings "the cold never bothered me anyway."  I wonder if her saying that the cold never has bothered her is her effort to control her fears of ending up all alone now that she has stopped hiding who she is, what is important to her, and how she wants to live her life.  The lyrics are all about her encouraging herself to keep pursuing what is important to her and not to hide who she is anymore.  This leads to her feeling free and not held back by other people's rights and wrongs and rules.  She sings her way through the night and is trying not to be afraid to be herself and stand up for herself even in the light of day.  One could even say that her courage to be true to herself brings on the light.   

So, what is she letting go?  What do we all need to let go?  There may be some hints in the lyrics, such as "I'm never going back, the past is in the past." So, how can we do this?  Well, some other lyrics might give us suggestions..."No right, no wrong, no rules for me."  Is this suggesting reckless, do whatever we want behavior?  Or does it mean not letting other people's rules control us and deciding for ourselves what is best to do.  So, to become who we are meant to be, all we need to do is let go of the past, worries about the future and other peoples's rules and judgement of us.  Then what?  Then we will have the joy of seeing what happens next.  It is that simple.  :)

AIRBNB: SUCESSFUL BECAUSE?

Many people did not think that Airbnb woud be successful in getting people to rent their private homes or apartments, etc. to strangers.  Yet they report having more than 500,000 people willing to do this and more than ten million strangers renting  from them.  People are also exchanging items [like tools, cars, apartments, homes, etc.] with strangers.  So, what is up with this?  Who are these people? They are described as being college educated younger adults and older retired adults.  Are they more casual about relationships?  Are they more trusting of strangers?  There have been speculations that young people are more accepting of casual relationships and not interested in more committed relationships and thus not put off by sharing things with complete strangers .  Or is this comfort with strangers because young people are less interested in owning and holding on to things and more interested in relationships, traveling and making connections to new people [making friends]?  

I've blogged about the problem of being weighted down by the past, worries and things [cars, homes, second homes, etc.].  Maybe those younger [and older] people are on to something as they keep from being attached to things and focus more on attachments to people and actively being part of a larger community [the world]?  

What do you think?

MINDFULNESS BASED RELAPSE PREVENTION FOR ADULT SUBSTANCE ABUSERS

The role of mindfulness (defined as the gentle effort to be continuously present with experience) based treatment approaches for psychiatric disorders seems to be increasing. I have previously blogged about the benefit of mindfulness approaches to reduce stress in elementary age children.  Brown, et al. JAMA Psychiatry 2014 Mar 19 reported on their randomized clinical trial evaluating the benefit of 8 weekly group sessions of mindfulness based relapsed prevention (MBRP)compared to COGNITIVE-behavioral relapse prevention (RPT), and treatment as usual (TAU) that included a 12 step program.  Studies have shown that 40-60% of people with substance use disorders (SUD) relapse by 1 year after treatment. The studies cite interactions between personal motivation, coping skills, peer influences, and substance availability as leading to relapses.  Relapse prevention programs focus on identifying situations that trigger craving and how to avoid them while enhancing skills to help avoid substance use. 286 people with SUD's ( 74% male; 39% ethnic minority and average age =38) we're randomized to participate in one of the three treatment groups.  The focus of RPT and TAU was on avoidance of high risk situations and reducing disphoria that can both lead to relapse by providing support and cognitive restructuring.  The MBRP treatment teaches tolerance of dysphoric feelings and the different setbacks that life presents, reducing the need to use substances to reduce stress.  MBRP also encouraged emotional flexibility ways to accept daily problems.  After three months there was no difference in outcomes across the three groups.  After 6 months, both MBRP and RPT showed significantly fewer relapses.  After one year, only MBRP was associated with significantly fewer relapses.

So it seems that an ancient (2500 year old) meditative practice that has been updated in the last century is now helping people of all ages to reduce their stress level and learn new and positive coping skills...all by calmly, with slow even breaths, staying in the moment and experiencing life without judgment or anxiety.  Give it a try.

TANNING BEDS...MELANOMA AND OTHER BAD THINGS

In the News Updates section of the May/June edition of the AACAP News a study by Guy, et al. reported in the JAMA Dermatol (epub ahead of print) found that according to the 2009 and 2011 national Youth Risk Behaviors Survey using a representative sample of 15.5 million high school students each year that included 25,000 students who used tanning beds.  

These tanning bed users were more likely to be female, older and non-hispanic white.  Nearly 30% of 18 years of age or older of these students used tanning beds.  Among male and female students, tanning bed use was associated with increased binge drinking, unhealthy weight control practicing and having sexual intercourse.  Just among the female students, tanning bed use was associated with having sexual intercourse with four or more persons and illegal drug use.  Among male tanning bed users, they were more likely to have used steroids, smoked cigarettes daily and to have attempted suicide.  

So, it seems that there might be additional reasons to encourage our teenagers to not use tanning beds, besides the risk of melanomas.  Thus, it is important that we talk to our teenagers about tanning bed use and also that our pediatricians and family care physicians also ask about the use of tanning beds.  Of course, it is also important that we remind our adult children about the risks of tanning bed use.