WE SHOULD LISTEN TO OUR CHILDREN!

Recently a woman who I am treating for PTSD told me that her two year old child repeatedly would ask "where are we?"  As we talked about this it seemed that her child was responding to her mother being preoccupied and not available to her child.  It seemed that her child was sensing her mother not being with her when her mother in effect removed herself.  After I listened some more to my patient we concluded that her child reacted to her dissociating by asking "where are we?"  Dissociation is a coping mechanism when someone removes themselves from a situation by holding in feelings and removing thoughts as well.  It is like not being there and can even involve having no memory of the time when dissociation occured.  Her child responding like she did helped my patient to identify when she dissociated and to use other coping skills so that she did not need to dissociate.  She knew she was successful when her child no longer asked "where are we?"

Frequently our children respond to us with insights and wisdom that we as parents would be wise to listen to.  This requires that we actually listen to our children versus reacting  to what they say.  When we react to what our children say we aren't really listening and are separating ourselves from them.  We are also sending our children a message that we do not have confidence in them. This doesn't sound good does it?  The other advantage to really listening to our children is that we will then know what to say or do as we have not clogged our brains with our reactions, worries, etc.  Our brains will then provide us with a good response to our children.  

Importantly, the importance of listening applies to whomever we are listening to!