TMI AND TMW [TOO MUCH INFORMATION AND TOO MANY WORDS]

It took me awhile to learn what TMI meant even though I work with a lot of people who seem to be burdened by knowing too much about others. I have come to see that their feeling burdened is related to their feeling and acting responsible for others. This "responsibility" is a burden because even though people seem to like others to take responsibilty for them it is actually not possible to do this. If you take responsibility for others you are then at the mercy of what they do and how they act toward you. Those people depend on you being in charge of them but they are also ambivalent about this as  we all know at some level that we must be responsible for our selves. We then resent anyone who takes responsibility for us. Then when you try to stop being responsible for others, they will frequently get very upset as they are not used to being responsible for themselves.

So what about TMW [something that I made up]. This represents my awareness that people who know too much about others are also prone to talking too much about the people they feel responsible for. It is a way of dealing with feeling responsible as the more words spoken the more indirect the communication is and it allows people to continue to not take responsibility for themselves. It is like giving them an out so they can keep blaming others for things that they are responsible for. I have encouraged people who come to me to speak to others directly and calmly and with few words. Even saying "yes" or "no." I also strongly encourage people to listen to others without their personal reactions as this reduces the liklihood that you will know too much [TMI] and use too many words [TMW]. 

Well, what is the big deal about TMI and TMW? Well, we need each other and it is hard to have an actual relationship with someone if they are not being responsible for themselves and knowing too much [TMI] and using a lot of words [TMW] are indications that this is going on.

The universe needs all of us to actually listen to each other and recognize our shared humanity.