WHAT IS SO GOOD ABOUT LISTENING TO OTHERS WITHOUT OUR PERSONAL REACTIONS INTERFERING?

People who have come to me for help have taught me the importance of actually listening to others without our reacting to what we are hearing. This can be very difficult to do unless we actually tell ourselves that this is what we want to do. It is easy to react [and self righteously respond] in order to inform or educate or castigate the other person. The outcome is to disrupt the relationship to the other person and make it easier for the other person to put the responsibility for their actions onto you. If we listen to someone, without reacting, then we are actually with that person, sharing their life experiences and acting like their lives really matter. Another reason that it is hard to listen without reacting is that we can convince ourselves that our reacting is necessary and the right thing. This is either because we are protecting ourselves from our fears by taking on responsibility for others or feeling like we are doing the right thing by confronting that person as if that actually helps change the other person's view or outlook. An example is when people feel that they must react and confront people who are saying or doing bad things as this is required of us. Unfortunately, even with good intentions based on trying to right wrongs that are being promoted or actually happening, when we react we are allowing the other person to avoid taking responsibility for themselves. So what can we do? I believe that we can still listen without reacting and also respond to what we are hearing in a helpful manner. If we are able to not react then our brains will tell us what we need to do, if we are able to listen to ourselves as well, without reacting. We then are responding and not reacting and by responding we are able to encourage and support these people so that they are more likely to take responsibility for themselves and make changes that are good for them and likely for the universe as well.`

For us to realize how important listening without reacting is no matter what we are hearing does require that we give it a chance and if we start reacting then we should walk away from the interaction and return after we are again able to listen without reacting. It is also important that frequently we react to things in self defense as past stresses have programmed our brains to instantly react. This happens frequently in people who have had traumatic events happen in their lives and are suffering from post traumatic stress disorder [PTSD]. I have helped many people to stop this automatic reacting by helping them understand what is happening, supporting coping skills that reduce the likelihood of them responding to stresses and I have also identified a few medications that reduce the frequency and intensity of reactions to past stresses. This makes it much easier to not react to past stresses and allows them to be more themselves as their stress reactions are temporary and not their typical way of responding. 

What do you think?