LISTENING REVISITED

Recently I was reading a number of studies about physicians listening to their patients.  On average physicians wait from 12 to 20 seconds before they interrupt their patients.  After this interruption, physicians may ask questions but often will not give their patients an opportunity to share more of their concerns, although will ask their patients questions about symptoms related to what the physician believes is the diagnosis.  I have recently blogged about the importance of going to your appointment with your physician prepared with a list of all your medications (and supplements); a list of your symptoms; etc.  I may have needed to emphasize that it might be necessary to be very assertive with your physician by insisting that you have time to discuss your symptoms and to ask questions.

So why is listening so important?  Well, it is likely that it is only by listening to you that your Doctor will know how to help you. Listening is also a very good way for all of us to be empathically connected to others.  I realized the connection between listening and empathy while hearing some of my patients describe trying to help others deal with a loss and their feelings of grief.  Frequently my patient would tell me that they didn't know what to say and ended up "only listening."  Over and over I heard "all I did was listen."  I asked my patients how the person who was experiencing the loss responded to being listened to.  My patients reponded that they said they were grateful that they listened to them.  Then I heard another patient describe helping someone cope with loss by telling them "I know how you feel" and "we are nevere burdened by more than we can handle" and "I know lots of people who have gotten through this."  It seemed clear to me that these statements were about how my patient was coping and not about the person experiencing the loss.  In an effort to be helpful, my patient was responding sympathetically and not empathically. My patient was attempting to join the other person in coping with the loss instead of being supportive of that person, the way my patient wanted to be.  My patient realized that the person going through the loss was actually angry with my patient. We then discussed that value of listening as we are not telling the other person what to do or how to react and instead we are being present with them as they share their thoughts and feelings.  I have also found that if we actually listen without our own agenda getting in the way, we will then know what to say or do after we have listened.  I believe that this is because we are not getting in the way of our brain by focusing more on our own reactions and feelings.  We [our brain] knows what to say or do and will provide this for us if we let it.  

Wierd but seems to be true.  Try it.