WE ARE ACTUALLY ALL IN IT TOGETHER

When we treat other people as if they are statistics then we are separating ourselves from those people. This is because when we choose to not see other people as individuals we don't really see them at all, like when we stereotype others by treating them as if they are like everyone else in a large group of people. This contributes to an "us against them" way of relating to others that keeps us separated from others. Also, treating each other this way makes it easy for dictators to exert control over us by pitting us against each other. 

When we judge others we are hurting ourselves. Just like when we stereotype people we are not learning who they really are. People can act like other people and yet each person is actually unique and you won't get to know them if you lump them with a group of people. This is also true medically as it can be important to know what any person's actual symptoms are and not only rely on laboratory tests that may give statistical averages that do not tell you where any individual's range might be.

What do you think?

DID YOU DO [SAY] THAT OUT OF LOVE?

Is it fair or reasonable to judge what we do or say by the standard of whether or not it was based on love for the other?  How would that work?  Would we be able to say anything? Maybe the problem is the definition of love.  Love is..."an intense feeling of affection, fondness, tenderness, attachment, endearment, worship, adoration, passion."  There must be other definitions of love...such as from "A Literate Passion: Letters from Anis Nin and Henry Miller, 1932-1953:  "what is love but the acceptance of the other, whatever he is." Or what we can learn from music such as "What I Did For Love" from the musical "A Chorus Line."  This song seems to honor love as the reason that we have meaning in our lives. Or what about the bible such as "1 Corinthians 13: 4-8. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; were there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away."  

So, a lot of good things connected to loving. St. Augustine is reported to have summarized his faith by saying that all you need is to "love and do what you will." The bible repeatedly refers to "what is in your heart" as what is important in our relationship to God. This might also be referring to love. But what does it mean to say and do things out of love? Does it refer to our intention in what we say or do? Does it refer to our feeling and being empathic towards others? If we are all connected and as some believe all God's children. Then should we act in a loving way towards everyone? Does that really mean everyone? Does that mean not judging others? Does it mean not isolating others? 

I know that I have experienced over and over again in my work with people who come to me for help, that we are meant to be with each other and that our happiness seems directly related to how we treat other people.  What do you think?

HOME AWAY FROM HOME

An opinion on the op-ed page of the January 22, 2014 New York Times by Stacy Torres talked about an incident in a McDonald's retaurant in Qweens, NYC where police were called to remove a number of people who had stayed in the restaurant for hours while purchasing only a cup of coffee.  There were mixed responses from the public with some applauding this and others feeling that it was not right and discriminatory. Ms. Torres points out that there is a growing population of elderly and homeless who frequent restaurants like McDonalds and will stay for hours and socialize with others.  Some of these people have indicated that they do not want to go to places for the elderly as they feel that they are places where you go to die and many of these people do not have any other place to go.  Many of them say that they like to be around other people and get lonely in their own places.  The restaurants are concerned about losing business at peak hours because of crowding as the elderly and homeless occupy a number of the seats and tables.  

So what to do? Keep calling the police to remove these people?  Hire security guards to either keep these people out of the restaurant or make them leave after a certain time limit?  Make a rule that if you only buy a drink then you can only stay for 15 minutes?  Ask these people to leave during peak times?  Ask these people to pay to stay in the restaurant when they are not buying any food?  Ask the other customers to donate money to help defray the costs of having these people stay in the restaurant and not buy food?  Ask the city to reimburse them for lost revenue?  Or should the restaurants welcome the elderly and homeless and have lower prices on meals and drinks for them?  And have neighborhood events at the restaurant that are open to anyone? 

So why is this important, or is it?  Well, we all need each other and need to be around each other or at least around some other people.  This helps us to feel better and be less stressed.  I have previously bloged about the importance of having reverence for all living things.  So it would seem clear that it is important for us to make room for each other and be with each other.  It just doesn't seem right for McDonald's to carry the responsibility for this by themself.