DID YOU DO [SAY] THAT OUT OF LOVE?

Is it fair or reasonable to judge what we do or say by the standard of whether or not it was based on love for the other?  How would that work?  Would we be able to say anything? Maybe the problem is the definition of love.  Love is..."an intense feeling of affection, fondness, tenderness, attachment, endearment, worship, adoration, passion."  There must be other definitions of love...such as from "A Literate Passion: Letters from Anis Nin and Henry Miller, 1932-1953:  "what is love but the acceptance of the other, whatever he is." Or what we can learn from music such as "What I Did For Love" from the musical "A Chorus Line."  This song seems to honor love as the reason that we have meaning in our lives. Or what about the bible such as "1 Corinthians 13: 4-8. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; were there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away."  

So, a lot of good things connected to loving. St. Augustine is reported to have summarized his faith by saying that all you need is to "love and do what you will." The bible repeatedly refers to "what is in your heart" as what is important in our relationship to God. This might also be referring to love. But what does it mean to say and do things out of love? Does it refer to our intention in what we say or do? Does it refer to our feeling and being empathic towards others? If we are all connected and as some believe all God's children. Then should we act in a loving way towards everyone? Does that really mean everyone? Does that mean not judging others? Does it mean not isolating others? 

I know that I have experienced over and over again in my work with people who come to me for help, that we are meant to be with each other and that our happiness seems directly related to how we treat other people.  What do you think?

REVISITING GRIEF

I have previously blogged about grief and wondered if our ability to reach a level of acceptance about our loss is important as the acceptance will keep us from continuing to experience the absence of our loved one.  This continued feeling of loss can occupy our brains and keep us stuck in the past.  So, being able to accept the loss may be important but how is that accomplished?

It seems that getting beyond (past?) the sense of loss may allow for acceptance. If we can shift our focus from our feelings of loss and even abandonment, we will be able to remember our loved ones and feel their presence attached to these memories.  If we remain stressed our brains will focus on trying to reduce the stress and this will block our access to memories and a sense of the presence of our loved one.  

Since we are our experiences and our relationships to others, just being ourselves will help us to know that our loved ones are still with us.  Now, being ourselves requires that we trust our memories and allow them to be alive in the present moment.  This means not trying to force memories but trusting that they are there.

This sounds kind of spooky, doesn't it? Still, you might give it a try.