LETTING IRRATIONAL CONTROL YOU.

I have helped many people who are bothered and consumed by trying to make sense of what other people say or do.  It has become clear to me that feeling a need to understand others is risky because we can't know about other people and sometimes if we can't make sense of others it is because they are trying not be be understood as this is one way to control other people.  Since we need to make sense of what others do, if we can't, we keep trying and do not consider that it actually doesn't make sense. Actually, none of us can really make sense of others, as we are not them. We can also not be responsible for others as they are not us.  We, of course, can be encouraging and supportive of others.  This does not mean telling others what to do but encouraging and supporting them making decisions for themselves. 

So why do we get caught up in trying to make sense of what others say and do?  It seems that we are hard wired to feel like we need to be able to make sense of things.  This may be because if we can't make sense of what others say or do we then feel separated from them and this concerns us.  A major problem with this is that other people can take advantage of us by saying and doing irrational things. We can let these people control us as we keep focusing on trying to make sense of what they do and say and this can immobilize us as there is no sense to it.  This is the way tyrants control people and is also the way people who are being abused are controlled and one reason that they stay in those abusive relationships.  

So, what does all this mean?  I believe that it points out that to be connected to others requires that we are willing to be in a relationship and do our part to help there to be a connection.  Therefore, if it is a one way street, let it go until the other person is really interested and ready to be in a relationship.