MANAGING STRESS IN OUR LIVES

Entries in stress (8)

Sunday
Jul022017

ALMOST NOTHING OUTSIDE OF OURSELVES CAN HELP IN A LASTING WAY

I was listening to a TED talk by Anne Lamott [from June, 2017] and she mentioned that "there is almost nothing outside of you that will help in a lasting way."  Ms. Lamott believes that "it's an inside job." We are responsible for helping ourselves in lasting ways. This idea is complemented by her other message that "others need to find their own way" and it would be good if we stopped helping others so much. Ms. Lamott noted that "help" can be defined as "the sunny side of control." So, helping others can be a way to control them.  I have repeatedly blogged about the importance of not feeling or acting responsible for others as others need to be responsible for themselves and it is really impossible to be responsible for others.

Anne Lamott emphasizes the importance of our being responsible for ourselves and not "controlling" others by helping them.  I want to focus on this because people who have had repeated stressful experiences often do take responsibility for others as a way of trying to prevent things from getting worse.  This way of coping seemed to work when they were younger and had to deal with people who were not being responsible and not protecting them and things did get worse. However, now they don't need to worry about things getting worse related to past experiences and yet it is very hard to stop this type of worry. I have blogged before about the fact that the amygdala part of our brain responds to emergencies in nanoseconds [billionths of a second] and keeps us stressed about the past before we are even aware that a memory has been triggered.  If we can calmly tell ourselves that we don't need to be stressed about a memory while recalling the memory, our brain can start not reacting to the memory.  Often, this is also difficult to do.  This situation is one reason I have started to prescribe propranolol to help separate stress from past memories. if people who have been traumatized can stop feeling stressed by past memories, they can then focus on themselves and realize that it is a good truth that "almost nothing outside ourselves can help in a lasting way." It is up to us to help ourselves in lasting ways and we are up to the task. Really. 

What do you think?

Sunday
Nov222015

CONSUMING FEAR OR CONSUMED BY FEAR?

After the terrorist attacks in Paris, I heard a priest give a sermon where he said that we are being consumed by fear, that we are like vultures, and the fear is like carrion. This sounds like we are consuming fear and can't get enough of it.

My patients have shown me that their fear makes them like the carrion and they are being being consumed by the vulture of fear.  If it seems that we cannot get enough of fear, it may be that is because we feel compelled to expose ourselves to stressful events over and over.  An example might be the TV news that seems focused on reportiing stressful events over and over. Maybe we keep exposing ourselves to stress in the hope that it will change and be ok and no longer a stress. Some of my patients saw the planes hit the twin towers thousands of times.  I saw it twice and I was upset with myself for choosing to see it a second time, as that was not necessary and only increased my stress level.  It also seems that stress is related to worries and that worries are almost reassuring in that if you worry a lot you will always know what is going to happen...you will be worrying.  

So, why is it so hard to stop worrying?  As I've mentioned, being able to know what was going to happen each day may be reassuring enough to keep us worrying.  I also wonder if our brains recall past stressful events and bring up a memory of this event as a way of asking us if we are still stressed by this but we think our brains are making statements, telling us to be stressed and worried.  So why don't our brains tell us they are asking questions?  This might have to do with the fact that it is our brain and we are supposed to be in charge and make the decisions that then tell our brains what to do.  This may not sound like the way your brain works, or mine.  Yet this is important as it reinforces the importance of the choices that we make and that it really is up to us.  

So if it is really up to us why does it seem like it isn't?  What do you think?


 

Friday
Feb072014

LETTING IRRATIONAL CONTROL YOU. 

I have helped many people who are bothered and consumed by trying to make sense of what other people say or do.  It has become clear to me that feeling a need to understand others is risky because we can't know about other people and sometimes if we can't make sense of others it is because they are trying not be be understood as this is one way to control other people.  Since we need to make sense of what others do, if we can't, we keep trying and do not consider that it actually doesn't make sense. Actually, none of us can really make sense of others, as we are not them. We can also not be responsible for others as they are not us.  We, of course, can be encouraging and supportive of others.  This does not mean telling others what to do but encouraging and supporting them making decisions for themselves. 

So why do we get caught up in trying to make sense of what others say and do?  It seems that we are hard wired to feel like we need to be able to make sense of things.  This may be because if we can't make sense of what others say or do we then feel separated from them and this concerns us.  A major problem with this is that other people can take advantage of us by saying and doing irrational things. We can let these people control us as we keep focusing on trying to make sense of what they do and say and this can immobilize us as there is no sense to it.  This is the way tyrants control people and is also the way people who are being abused are controlled and one reason that they stay in those abusive relationships.  

So, what does all this mean?  I believe that it points out that to be connected to others requires that we are willing to be in a relationship and do our part to help there to be a connection.  Therefore, if it is a one way street, let it go until the other person is really interested and ready to be in a relationship. 

 

Saturday
Nov302013

JUST BREATHE REVISITED

Previously I blogged about the stress relieving benefit of slow, even breathing.  Since then it continues to come up directly or indirectly with different approaches to stress management.  It is frequently referred to as "mindfulness."  This has been defined as consciousness without thought.  I wonder if it may be better defined as a calm, alert state with active efforts to clear one's mind from worries, future events, past events, etc., so that we are open to what life might bring us.  Being aware of our breathing as we focus on it becoming slow and even, is one way to achieve this state of "mindfulness" that is available to anyone who commits to practicing this type of breathing on a daily basis.  Intrerestingly, it seems to be an important part of the brain training treatments for ADHD and PTSD as well as a way to improve working memory and reading levels in people.  The latter reference is to studies involving mindfulness training undertaken by Michael Mrazek and his colleagues at UC-Santa Barbara who are introducing mindfulness practices into elementary schools. 

The benefits of meditation, mindfulness and breathing practices have been well established.  It seems like a number of treatments represent attempts to achieve a meditative/mindful state more quickly by reinforcing certain brain wave patterns that are associated with being calm and alert and focused. These same brain wave patterns can be achieved through breathing exercises and other meditative practices. I am eager to learn the results of Dr. Mrazek and colleagues attempts to implement mindfulness practices in elementary level school systems.  This could have a significant positive impact on the lives of these children and possibly spread to their family members.  

As I ended the other blog about breathing, I will end this one the same way.  JUST BREATHE.

Thursday
Jun202013

CHRONIC STRESS---ARE WE ALL VICTIMS?

Recently, I was listening to a "Great Courses" cd on the history of our understanding of evil.  There was a discussion of the repeated experience that people who had participated in doing evil things were often convinced that they were doing their duty and what they should be doing.  They were not acting like they were demoniacally possessed and did not seem to think that what they were doing was evil.  How can this be?  I then thought about the fact that often the people doing evil things had experienced mistreatment earlier in their lives.  A possible example is the way that Germany and the German people were treated after World War I as they were made to suffer economically and in other ways.  The stress of this [abusive?] treatment may have caused many of the German people to cope by dissociating or numbing themselves from feelings and emotional reactions to other people.  They would then have been more easily manipulated by someone like Hitler to see other countries as against Germany and believe that protecting their country was their duty. 

If this dissociating and numbing happens to a lot of people then there is a risk that they can be manipulated into doing evil things.  So, even the people doing evil things may be victims.

This points out the terrible impact that chronic stress can have.