"I WAS THERE I REMEMBER IT ALL TO WELL"

"I was there I remember it all too well" is a lyric from a Taylor Swift song "All Too Well" that seems to validate what she experienced in a relationship...does she need to validate herself? I don't believe that anyone needs to validate themselves through some one else. So why do we do this? What do we get from this? Security? But really it is a false sense of security. If we have to reassure ourselves about ourselves by challenging someone else's response then we are allowing that other person to challenge our identity enough to require our response. No one has that power over us unless we give it to them. You can see what can happen as if we give others this power,  we will then be constantly defending ourselves from their statements, lies or rumors about us. We will invite being bullied as we respond to the bully as if what they say warrents a response. It does not...ever. However, it is hard not to respond, but after we do, we can help ourselves move past responding by learning to trust our awareness of ourselves and will be less likely to let ourselves be fooled by someone else's insecurity that they are trying to make be ours. This may be what Taylor Swift is saying in this song.

So what are we supposed to do? Listen to others, while not reacting to them? Ignore them if listening to them is not possible at this time? Say, "is that so," if we feel that we must say something or if you are actually listening without your personal reaction to what you are hearing, then if you need to say anything your brain will provide this for you. Yes to all of those suggestions. If you choose to do these things you will have a deserved increase in self-confidence and a more fulfilled life. Try it and see what happens.