ALMOST NOTHING OUTSIDE OF OURSELVES CAN HELP IN A LASTING WAY

I was listening to a TED talk by Anne Lamott [from June, 2017] and she mentioned that "there is almost nothing outside of you that will help in a lasting way."  Ms. Lamott believes that "it's an inside job." We are responsible for helping ourselves in lasting ways. This idea is complemented by her other message that "others need to find their own way" and it would be good if we stopped helping others so much. Ms. Lamott noted that "help" can be defined as "the sunny side of control." So, helping others can be a way to control them.  I have repeatedly blogged about the importance of not feeling or acting responsible for others as others need to be responsible for themselves and it is really impossible to be responsible for others.

Anne Lamott emphasizes the importance of our being responsible for ourselves and not "controlling" others by helping them.  I want to focus on this because people who have had repeated stressful experiences often do take responsibility for others as a way of trying to prevent things from getting worse.  This way of coping seemed to work when they were younger and had to deal with people who were not being responsible and not protecting them and things did get worse. However, now they don't need to worry about things getting worse related to past experiences and yet it is very hard to stop this type of worry. I have blogged before about the fact that the amygdala part of our brain responds to emergencies in nanoseconds [billionths of a second] and keeps us stressed about the past before we are even aware that a memory has been triggered.  If we can calmly tell ourselves that we don't need to be stressed about a memory while recalling the memory, our brain can start not reacting to the memory.  Often, this is also difficult to do.  This situation is one reason I have started to prescribe propranolol to help separate stress from past memories. if people who have been traumatized can stop feeling stressed by past memories, they can then focus on themselves and realize that it is a good truth that "almost nothing outside ourselves can help in a lasting way." It is up to us to help ourselves in lasting ways and we are up to the task. Really. 

What do you think?