CAN WE BE TOO EMPATHIC?

Recently one of my patients said that they were being "too empathic."  She was referring to being understanding of others even when it was stressful for her. She did not feel it was right to not say something or not encourage the others. In exploring this further, it seems that she was making excuses for the others and that she felt that they couldn't help themselves. This seemed like other times when she felt responsible for others. In reflecting further together it seems that my patient's concern about being "too empathic" really represents her being sympathetic as my understanding of sympathy is when we feel for others versus listening to them and to  what their feelings are. This is what I understand what being empathic is. 

So, when we feel we have to say something or respond in some way we might be feeling reponsible for others and this often means that we are managing our own discomfort this way. It might be better to practice listening to others without reacting to what we are hearing so that we will be supporting their ability to manage their own feelings.

What do you think?

LISTENING, REALLY LISTENING...WHY IS THIS SO IMPORTANT?

Over and over recently I have seen how listening can reduce stress in our lives and help us to be more confident.  So, how can listening help reduce stress and improve our confidence?  My initial awareness of the significance of listening came when some of my patients talked about trying to help their friends deal with grief.  My patients felt bad that all they could do was listen to their friends. When we discussed their friends response to being listened to, it seemed to be positive. Another patient indicated that when she responded emotionally to her friend who was experiencing grief and said that she knew what her friend was experiencing, her friend became angry.  We then wondered if listening was really being empathic and saying how you feel or that you understand, is not empathic but really being sympathetic.  So sympathy seems to be more about the person who is trying to console the other and actually may separate themselves from the one they are trying to console.

Maybe listening is really like meditation, like being present with ourselves and the person we are listening to. if listening is a way to be empathic then does that mean that being empathic is like being present with someone [and with ourselves]?

Another benefit associated with listening without our own agenda is that when we do this our brains seem to be working optimally as we realize that we remember everything that we are hearing and then we are able to respond without worrying or feelling stressed.  

So, does that mean that listening to others and ourselves is like being present with others [and ourselves] and is a very good way to us our brains?