IS COMMUNITY CENTRAL TO WHO WE ARE?

I read an article by Nancy Kaffer from the Detroit Free Press on January 25, 2020. It is partly a review of a tv show called "The Good Place" and partly her reflecting on what is important in life as portrayed in "The Good Place." The premise is that we need to build up points for good behaviors to get to the "good place." Yet another question comes out about what do we owe to each other? Nancy Kaffer wonders if we owe each other "radical inclusion" that says every human life holds equal value, and that we need to practice radical empathy as Grace Lee Boggs [an author, social activist, philosopher and feminist] challenges all of us to ask what it means to be a more human, human being. 

Kaffer then reflects on how it can be difficult to be good as we are more aware of the unwanted consequences of our good decisions that end up reinforcing negative outcomes like income inequality and racism. She discusses a drop in attendance at churches but now a growing awareness of the importance of "community" in defining our obligation [relationship] to each other and that "proximity" helps us to see the humanity in those we might otherwise see as "other." Finally, Kaffer refers to an unnamed activist who recommends that we "love our neighbor as we love ourselves." A shift from "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" as it might be that to love others we need to love our selves. This loving ourselves might allow us to be able to live empathically as we recognize each other's "essential humanity," regardless of our skin color or country of origin, so that we can see others as fully human as we see ourselves.

So, is it important to us homo sapiens sapiens that we feel part of a community and does that require that we allow ourselves to be close enough to others to see them as just like we are [humans] and then be open to loving them as our neighbors and as we love ourselves? Would we then automatically include all others into our community and feel an empathic connection to them? What do you think?

QUESTION, PERSUADE AND REFER [QPR] PEOPLE WHO ARE SUICIDAL

With the rate of suicides in the United States as of 2015 [from the CDC, 2017] at 13.26 suicides per 100,000, there have been programs developed to help identify and get help for people who are suicidal. Many programs are focused on training gatekeepers [people who are likely to recognize a crisis and warning signs that someone may be thinking about suicide]. The QPR [Question, Persuade and Refer] program is an hour long gate keeper training program that according to the QPR Institute [www.qprinstitute.com] has trained more than a million people to be gate keepers. It is the largest program that trains "gatekeepers" who can then directly question people who are contemplating suicide and persuade them to seek help and then refer them to places that will help them. 

It is hopeful that programs like QPR are available to identify and help people who are contemplating killing themselves. This program reinforces the importance of talking with people that you are concerned about, asking if they are having suicidal thoughts and plans and being willing to listen without our own reactions, to those who are suffering. Then encouraging those people to seek help. I believe that our listening to others who are suffering gives them hope as they realize that they are not alone. What do you think?

WE REALLY DO NEED EACH OTHER

The recent Beta Theta Pi magazine has an article about preventing suicide and refers to a Harvard study [The Harvard Study of Adult Development] and comments from the study's fourth director Robert Waldinger, M.D. [who is  a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School] who concludes that friendships and relationships in general are highly correlated with happiness and contentment with one's life. Since 1938 Harvard researchers have studied 724 men for 79 years. They found that if one is to do well in their life they need to have close ties to their family, friends and community. These close relationships also seem to have significant impact on overall health. With close relationships there was more happiness and these men were healthier and even lived longer. The researchers concluded that lonliness was toxic. Unfortunately, frequently more than one in five Americans say that they are lonely. This self-report of lonliness is what is coorelated with poor health as well as feeling unhappy. Further emphazing the importance of close relationships is the fact that the quality of relationships at age 50 is what predicted health at age 80. Also, having a close relationship in your 80's will protect you from cognitive decline. The ability to count on your partner was what seemed to be very important and this applied to work relationships between employees and their supervisors as well. So, prioritize relationships and seek close connections to others. It could be the answer to long life and happiness.

What do you think?

I’M AGAINST THE EXPRESSION “JUST SAYIN”

I recalled "just sayin" when what I was thinking was validated by what happened. So, just sayin is like giving advice and then repeating the advice indirectly with this phrase and reminding the other person that you were right. So many problems with the attitude that "just sayin" seems to promote. Foremost,  it fools you into thinkin that you can predict the future and that this is helpful. Next, it reinforces the idea that it is helpful to give advice. Also, it makes it harder for you to realize that all of this is like an insult for the other person as you are acting like you know better and don't believe that they will figure it out without your advice. (You are hopefully well intentioned with your "just sayin" but it is still like an insult for the other person). It seems that homo sapiens, sapiens needs to, decide for and take responsibility, for themselves. We have the ability to choose and apparently need to use this ability.

What do you think?

GETTING OUR MINDS WRAPPED AROUND IT

My wife and I were visiting my son and daughter-in-law and 2 month old grandson after my son had just started sole daytime responsibility for his son. I offered to stay with my grandson (who was sleeping) while my son went on a run. He agreed and then stood not talking and after a couple minutes he said it was a good idea. I mentioned that he might have needed a little time to "wrap his mind around the idea and he said he had been thinking about the weather. It dawned on me (maybe another way that patterns get changed) that my son may have chosen to take time to work out for himself that this was a new pattern of behavior and it is ok. By the way, his going on the run was delayed by a stuck contact lens and then getting the music selection set for his run. Also, maybe these intervening activities were needed to allow the pattern to change?

Changing patterns of thinking and behavior are very important as we can get stuck in patterns that are not helpful and not needed, even if they might have seemed necessary years ago. We need to be able to [choose to] tell ourselves that we want to change a pattern of behavior or thinking and then take steps to change it. Research has shown that if you want to accomplish something it is helpful to visualize completing it and then start working on what you want to accomplish. Thinking about it or talking about it does not help as our brains seem to think that talking or thinking about it is the goal and not accomplishing it. I know that this does not really answer the question of how one goes about changing patterns of thinking or behavior and yet our being aware of what instructions we are giving our brains can help us to then change the instructions and start to change patterns that we really need to change.